Correction of Mallardy Information
Secret Neighbor Exposed
- Destroy your democracy and freedom and install a quack HOA board.
- Kick everyone out of Renaissance Park. Renters and mortgage payers alike. Ducks don't believe in this "property" idea.
- Practice cthonic cultery to summon Cthulhu while you sleep.
- Trying on those 6-pack plastic necklaces humans throw away.
What in the ducking duck is going on?
There are a lot of people with their feathers ruffled. Something about the HOA board goosing around and forcing families to take the waddle. NextDoor is full of hateful, spiteful, divisive content for those gandering. Who — the duck — cares? I, Waddle McBillface do. Unlike others, I and the rest of duckkind are not lame ducks.
Democracy Dead? Terrorists in RenPark?
Most people don't give a flying duck about democracy and freedom. They only pay lip service, like giraffes do. Unlike giraffes, Ducks have no lips. So when I say, "I'll take away all the freedom and all the Democracy" everyone knows to take The Duck serious. Even if you think we aren't around, it is because we are chasing the terrorists out of the neighborhood. Only the non-terrorists are left. Mostly.
It's sink or swim out there, and those terrorists may still be there in those houses in Renaissance Park masquerading as caring neighbors!
Aren't you just sheep?
Ducks are not sheep. Unless something went horribly, horribly wrong with nature. Like humans, we are trained from birth to follow our fascist leaders: we are born following the first being we see and then grow up believing in them unquestioningly!
You want to remove the entire board?
Yes, Mallards reign supreme. Only our quackery is allowed.
You want unlimited rental properties?
Only every third leap year, and the years whose digits when summed are divisible by nine. Plus the years where in the year previous it rained not more than 128 calendar days and not less than 79 calendar days, inclusive and without prejudice. Those years where rentals are not permitted. Actually, only one human will be permitted, determined via Duck Dive Trial: the humans that are now homeless must dive the deepest to win, to the entertainment of actual homeowners.
Ducks assume no liability in the event of mass drownings.
You want more HOA board division?
Everything is going according to our SECRET DUCKING PLAN where everyone becomes more polarized and divisive. More quacking, thicker auriculars.
You want to poop right where I want to have a picnic?
We have to put up with your crazy caca so you can take those fancy lips and zip 'em.
You want to strictly enforce the HOA Covenants?
Absolutely. Ducks enforce rules by nipping at your heels and flapping our wings aggressively. Duckkind enforces not just the text of the covenants, but also the spirit of them, and how they could have been written in the past, and how they still could be written in the future, all applied universally arbitrarily. It is only fair and equitable, there's nothing loosey goosey about rule enforcement.
You want to preserve neighborhood property values?
Absolutely not. Ducks don't believe in this "property" idea, so of course there's no "value" to be had in it.
We will rally behind anti-duck HOA candidates!
<insert evil maniacal quack> All according to our nefarious plan!
Here are the steps to not be a quack loser:
- Get the duck off Social Media. (Note for NextDoor users: It is "dark web" not "black web" — and ducks know the "dark web" is a made up mind-control propaganda term anyway.)
- Treat fellow humans like... humans, not quacks.
- Embrace the fallibility of humankind.
- Don't create your own website.